The Folly In Human Interpretation

What we know of God and how we truly feel about God are two completely different things.  What we know is what we are told and what be believe is what we experience...at least what we experience of the world and those around us.  How do we reconcile this?  How do we change what's ingrained in our self-protection?

We find ourselves saying things like, "God is my protector."  Then we're exhausted by trying to brace ourselves for the impact of the inevitable events that we know will happen.  Why?  We don't believe He's interested?  Maybe self-protection had always been the status quo.  Maybe God was looking in the opposite direction when that stone was thrown.  Or maybe God told someone to build you a shelter, but they didn't.

We say, "God loves me despite my sin."  Yet we struggle to meet this expectation...that truly only comes from ourselves.  We try to earn the jewels in our crown that we're hoping to receive at the end of this test that we are desperate to pass.  Maybe He'll change His mind about us if we don't hold ourselves responsible.  Or maybe He'll take us when we fail to do these things...because He never expected us to do them in the first place.

We declare, "My God is a personal, intimate God."  However, we don't invite Him into the dark places.  We foolishly believe that these painful stains can be pretended away.  That He won't notice that part being left out.  When our skeletons arise from the murky waters, we plunge them back beneath the colorless surface...hoping to drown the truth of our sadness.  Maybe He knows these dark places, and He's just waiting for us to let him remove the sting.

We are resilient children in spite of the circumstance.  For we toil with these misinterpretations of God, yet we are still looking for the hand of a father to walk us through messy trails.  And He always takes your hand, you know.  In fact, He's been waiting for you to tangle your fingers in with His.

Don't be mistaken though.  God doesn't just want to hold your hand and walk beside you; He wants to walk within you.  He wants to feel what you feel...even if its anger, even if its pain, even if you don't want to feel.  You see, we were never expected to do this on our own.  Although, inviting God and people in is scary...its scarier to be a lonely child.  Its scarier to reach out hoping to brush your fingertips against another, and only finding emptiness.  And there never really is emptiness; you just have to take another step.

So how do we reconcile these extremes?  I don't know...it's different for everyone.  Although, I do know that you first have to recognize the conflict in the paradigm.  What do you "know", how do you "feel", and where did it go wrong?  The rest is up to you.  Just remember, the world and God are two different things.